The New Rules of Online Etiquette

The following article is really really humorous and useful like hell hahaha Love it! Enjoy and Happy Holidays!


Because there are times when a tweet just isn't good enough, your e-mail signature is too much, and you should in fact be worried about that stranger holding an iPhone in front of you

• Unsubscribe, every time.

• You might have tweeted your condolences, but you still have to send flowers.

• People who know what you did: God, Santa, the guy at the Genius Bar.

• The more game-changing the online technology, the sillier the name.

• The man who types "LOL" in an e-mail is half a man.

• The man who types "laughing out loud" in an e-mail is half a fastidious man.

• No one has ever rolled on the floor laughing before typing "ROTFL."

• The satisfaction of finishing War and Peace is diminished by 20 percent when read on a Kindle.

• E-mail greetings in order of gravity of the message: Attention!, Greetings, Hello, Hi, Yoyoyo check it.

• Rarely reply all.

• No, you won't be joining the big Improv Everywhere effort this weekend.

• Because you're not frolicsome.

• No one wins in a Twitter war.

• You can't fully utilize an iPad if you're wearing a Band-Aid on your thumb.

• The serious e-mail that you spent ten minutes composing and proofreading will have one glaring grammatical error that will undercut your point.

• And that error will be your instead of you're.

• Everyone is 30 percent more attractive in their online profile picture than they are in real life.

• 50 percent more attractive if it's a black-and-white picture.

• 70 percent more attractive if it's a black-and-white photo and half their face is in shadow.

• And if that shadow is being created by a kitten they're holding, forget it.

• In summary, to determine the attractiveness of someone you've never met in person, take the online photo in which she looks the most attractive and the online photo in which she looks the least attractive. Determine the mean, then round down.

• A stranger who is holding an iPhone in a perfectly vertical fashion right in front of you is taking a photo of you surreptitiously.

• Obvi is not an acceptable abbreviation for obviously.

• Ridic is not an acceptable abbreviation for ridiculous.

• Avunc is not an acceptable abbreviation for avuncular.

• In the history of the Internet, no one has ever clicked "No" when asked if they were eighteen or older.

• Bars don't have mayors.

• Always:
Best,
Joe Biden

• Sometimes:
Best,
Joe Biden
Vice President
202-456-1414

• Never:
Best,
Joe Biden
Vice President
202-456-1414
"Work is love made visible,"
— The Prophet, by Kahil Gibran

• In an e-mail, punctuation that conveys her emotion is never representative of actual emotion.

• Five exclamation points in an e-mail means: kind of excited.

• Three exclamations points in an e-mail means: sort of excited.

• One exclamation point in an e-mail means: marginally enthused.

• "De-friending" is not something a man should worry himself about doing or being done to him.

• Grandmas shouldn't be pwned.