Chasing illusion...

Once in a while, you can't keep yourself from asking.. I'm chasing an illusion, am I not?

Once in a while, the girls ask me why he and I are still not a couple, after all, it's that long. Looking back I was so shock myself. Aside from the girls, he's the guy I've been holding the longest time "relationship" (if ours can be considered one). 15 years, more or less. We "befriended" when both were kids, literally. Time flies. We are still kids ourselves if I can have a say in that. He's been through one or many relationships. We don't meet up as much as we did back in the day. I still own him a meal (have to figure out the date, then) from the last time (his turn). 15 years... Such a joke! All my friends know that I get bored easily just after couple months... and cut all the ties (sorry, guys, my bad but I really cannot help myself).

Why are we still not a couple? Because from the beginning, he was and has never been the one. He was not even an illusion. He was just a replacement for an illusion back then. I never chased that illusion. But that was a big part of my life back then. The illusion. Once in a while I still open my computer, checking around just to update on the status. For what? No idea since from the beginning I always know that it's really just an illusion for me and nothing more.

I promise myself I will write about him one day (15 years! He's worth it). But whenever I starte to think about what to write about him, the skeleton somehow always ends up with a big part on the illusion. I think I'd better give up on writing about him. At least I know he will always somehow be intertwined with the illusion and I've never mistaken them for one and each other.

I'm chasing an illusion, am I not? I grew up listening to MLTR music. "That's why (you go away)" is still one of my all-time favourite. How many illusions do we chase around our whole live?  

Note: Cannot believe! It's 4 years since Rolling Stone's Adam Lambert cover version. Congratulations on the success so far, Adam! And congratulations on the win of PRIDE!